I Wonder

I feel disconnected. From my surroundings and many of the people in it. I feel stagnant. It's ironic that I am feeling this way amidst the approach of one of the greatest achievements of my life; I'm 3 months from graduating from college. I don't know where I'm headed, but I do know some things. I know who I am, I know where I want to be, and I know where I don't want to be. 

I always have this thought: If I were to die today, what legacy would I leave behind? Who's life did I change? What contributions did I make during my time on this earth? Did I waste away the time that God so graciously gave me?

Sometimes I feel like I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm not living up to my full potential. Like I said, I know where I wanna be and what it takes to get there. Sometimes I just scare myself with my lack of drive I have to just get up and do it. Sometimes I wonder if it's just my fear of actually succeeding that holds me back. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things. 

Random Rant 7/4

I actually sat to myself and thought...why should i be ashamed that my emotions are attached to sexual acts. Why would I pride myself on being able to have sex with a person with no type of emotional attachment? Attached.  Whatever. Call me what you want. Label me what you please, but i know who I am. Im a very emotionally connected, loving individual. And sex is just one of the many ways I express that. Should I change who I am just to fit the standard that everyone else has set for such a beautiful act? just so I won't be labeled as Attached? hell no. my body is much more valuable than that. my values consist of much more than that. If emotionless sex is all you have to offer me. Sir, keep it moving.  

“If I can only have a piece of you, then I gotta say peace to you…”

Retrospect

there's no vision more clear than 
hindsight.
you know, 
not seeing things for what they could be, but 
seeing things for what they were. 
blinded by my fanciful daydreams of what could be...
caught up in the possibilities. 
hindsight quickly corrected my vision of reality. 
bittersweet, it was.


-B

Random Rant 11/3

There are a million words too describe emotions
And you wonder why I choose to use these words to do so
Why not just SPEAK how I feel, right?
But this challenges me…the outcome, I don’t know
I just choose to use my words to expand my knowledge
Of being able to express myself from a different outlet
Besides my mouth
You ever take the time to read a letter
That speaks the same words as a speech
But it touches you on another level as your
Eyes move across each word
Almost like reading a break-up letter
The words knock you down one by one
You have to go back and read again to make sure this is real
Yea, spoken words just don’t always have that effect you see
Especially with people who don’t take the time to listen
I know you hear me , but are you listening
These written words force you to listen, ya know.
Makes you experience those feelings on a different level
But, on the other hand, everyone doesn’t always have a way with words.
-B