Naïveté: Love At 19

letter to my first love, 10.17.2008

I’m done fixing our relationship. Fixing is stating what is wrong, why it’s wrong, and demanding a change. I promise to support you and our relationship. Supporting is allowing each other to make our own choices and being there for each other if things go wrong. Fixing is forcing us to do things my way when yours doesn’t work. Supporting is sharing your needs with me and trusting me that I will take them into account. Fixing is nagging. Supporting is nurturing. Fixing is anger when things get rough. Supporting is knowing that things will get better. Supporting is seeing you exactly as you are and accepting it. Love is knowing, it is not a condition or state of mind. When someone is in love, they must not doubt, judge, or fear. You are in a state of acceptance. You accept yourself first, for who and what you are, and then the person you love…without question. When you are in love, you feel vulnerable and know that it is okay to feel that way. You leave your emotions out there on the table, without the fear that they will abuse them. You don’t hide your feelings, change them to fit what you think the other person wants, and you do not question what you feel. When you’re in love, there’s nothing to fix.  I’ve looked at myself and realized that I haven’t been doing the best job at accepting you for who you are or supporting you. I’m working on that part of me and I promise that I will do my best to support you and accept you. I’m also here to let you know that I’m laying everything back out on the line….my feelings, my heart, my soul…and I’m trusting you with them. I want that feeling of vulnerability, yet also feel secure that you will not abuse my vulnerability. I want to grow old with you…happily, and I believe in order to do so, you needed to hear those words from me.I love you baby!