Prayer.

I've been through my share of BS. Ups and downs. Emotional traumas. Especially when it comes to relationships. When I care, I care deeply. When I love, I love unconditionally. This usually leaves me hurt, which I am beyond fed up with. In the midst of a fresh emotional wound, I broke down. I prayed everyday. Asking for clarity and answers. On the last day of my week of prayers, I let go. I left all of my troubles and pain in that last prayer. I promised that from that point I would be worry free. I opened my eyes clear minded and confident in the fact that He would bless me. I know He has put me to this test for a reason and I know that each heartbreak was a lesson. I know that one day He'll place a wonderful, god fearing man in my life and I smile at the thought of it.

Naïveté: Love At 19

letter to my first love, 10.17.2008

I’m done fixing our relationship. Fixing is stating what is wrong, why it’s wrong, and demanding a change. I promise to support you and our relationship. Supporting is allowing each other to make our own choices and being there for each other if things go wrong. Fixing is forcing us to do things my way when yours doesn’t work. Supporting is sharing your needs with me and trusting me that I will take them into account. Fixing is nagging. Supporting is nurturing. Fixing is anger when things get rough. Supporting is knowing that things will get better. Supporting is seeing you exactly as you are and accepting it. Love is knowing, it is not a condition or state of mind. When someone is in love, they must not doubt, judge, or fear. You are in a state of acceptance. You accept yourself first, for who and what you are, and then the person you love…without question. When you are in love, you feel vulnerable and know that it is okay to feel that way. You leave your emotions out there on the table, without the fear that they will abuse them. You don’t hide your feelings, change them to fit what you think the other person wants, and you do not question what you feel. When you’re in love, there’s nothing to fix.  I’ve looked at myself and realized that I haven’t been doing the best job at accepting you for who you are or supporting you. I’m working on that part of me and I promise that I will do my best to support you and accept you. I’m also here to let you know that I’m laying everything back out on the line….my feelings, my heart, my soul…and I’m trusting you with them. I want that feeling of vulnerability, yet also feel secure that you will not abuse my vulnerability. I want to grow old with you…happily, and I believe in order to do so, you needed to hear those words from me.I love you baby!

Yes, I'm Black.

I love finding random writings on my computer...

I love being black despite living in a society that wants me to be everything but. 

Being a young black woman born in America
and raised in the South has made me more aware of the skin I’m in.
And at the peak of this awareness, I have fallen so deep in love with my skin.
There’s nothing else that I would rather be.
My culture. My heritage. My history. My skin.
The history behind who am and what it means to be black fills my spirit with pride.
The things that my ancestors went through so that I can be in the position that I am today..
A young, black, educated woman with the right to vote only names a few…
When my future child asks me if they can be the president of their country,  
I can say with conviction: "Yes, baby, you can!"
I live my life everyday in a society that makes it hard for people like me to succeed.
Luckily, I’m no stranger to hard work.
My culture; which has influenced so many other races.
From the music, traditions, style of dress, our soulful cooking, and mannerisms. 
Our diversity, variety of complexions.
I could go on and on


Even at the tender age of 23, I have experienced discrimination, been called out of my name, and judged because of the color of my skin. Fortunately, I don’t entertain ignorance.  Yes, I’m black. You mad? Pray about it. 

Dreams

I’ve always dreamt of being a Publicist and Graphic Designer.  I went to school for 4.5 years in pursuit of this dream. Now I am here; 4 months post-grad and debating what if I should go back to school for Accounting or Counseling. What. The. Hell. I’m not meant to be an accountant. Or a teacher. Or a counselor. So what the hell am I doing, right? All my life I’ve known that I was meant to be a Publicist and Graphic Designer. After a much needed wake up call, I have come to the conclusion that I am afraid to succeed and actually live my dreams. This fear is multiplied by the fact that I feel I am not qualified or knowledge enough to live out my dream. I feel that if I own the title of "Brandi Heath, Publicist & Graphic Designer”,  I will somehow be fooling others into thinking I am more than what I am. I feel like I would fail.

But the hard truth is that I am qualified. No, I don’t know everything about PR, nor have I mastered every single Adobe application. But I am skilled in some areas. I shouldn’t feel like this after studying and practicing my craft on a regular basis for all these years. I’ve got to be more confident in myself.

And I have to start somewhere. No one was born with all the knowledge they needed to succeed. It was gained over time. I feel that it’s time for me to step out on a ledge and finally take that leap towards my dream. I’d hate myself if I didn’t. 


-Brandi, Dream Chaser